🧘♀️ I Joined a Yoga Class for Inner Peace—Left with a Sprained Ego 😂
So there I was—new year, new me, right? I had just watched a 3-minute motivational video on YouTube (half of which I skipped), and suddenly decided I needed inner peace, core strength, and a more photogenic lifestyle.
Naturally, I signed up for a local yoga class. It was described online as “gentle, calming, and beginner-friendly.” Lie number one.
I walked in wearing my brand-new leggings that still had the tag flapping around, feeling like a mix of Gwyneth Paltrow and a ninja. The instructor, Sage, greeted me with a bow and a whisper. I immediately felt underdressed and overdressed at the same time.
The class began with some deep breathing, which I nailed. I was feeling confident. Empowered, even. Then came Downward Dog.
Now, in theory, Downward Dog sounds peaceful. In practice? I looked like an anxious folding chair. My wrists cracked, my legs shook, and I’m fairly certain I mooed when I exhaled.
Then came Crow Pose. For the non-yogis out there, that’s where you attempt to balance your entire body on your elbows, like some kind of mystical parrot. Sage encouraged us to “trust the earth.” I trusted nothing and faceplanted with a thud so loud someone in the back gasped, “Is she okay?”
No. She was not.
Somewhere between Warrior II and Happy Baby, my soul left my body and watched from the corner of the room, sipping green juice and judging me. Every time I tried to align my chakras, I accidentally released a sound that can only be described as a deflating balloon.
At the end of class, during Savasana (that’s the lying-down part, aka yoga’s greatest gift), I finally found peace. Not inner peace—but peace that it was over.
As I left, limping and drenched in regret, Sage placed a calming hand on my shoulder and said, “You brought a very chaotic energy into the space today.”
That’s when I realized—my ego was the only thing that got stretched. And maybe slightly torn.
But hey, at least I got a good selfie in front of the “Find Your Zen” mural on the wall. #Namaste
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